Ah Motherhood what to do?

So I was so excited today to take my oldest on his school field trip to the farm, I was driving and he had been looking forward to it for a week. Well, this am my youngest woke up with a runny nose, watery eyes and a not so lovely demeanor:) As I rushed around and packed last minute lunches it became apparent that I was swimming upstream, the current was speaking to me as I began to become impatient, anxious and lose my cool. I threw a comb at the window and must have screamed at Dominic to get in the car 5 times (although I wasn't yet ready and he knew that)
I wrestled with what to do as I drove the boys to French School, in my rear view mirror I could see my youngest with his big read watery eyes and red nose. Ahh I arrived and La Maitresse was already waiting to put two other kids in my car, she took one look at Nico and said "Qu'est-ce que tu fait? or What do you want to do?" I really didn't know...Dom was so looking forward to me going to the farm and I felt my mommy heart start to tear. All the cool moms we going too, I really wanted to hang out (I could hear my ego screaming)

Alas, I hugged Dominic good by and told Nico he would be spending a fun day with mama at home. We went and got hot tea and threw pennies in the fountain, we have been laying on my bed playing Candy Land and Connect Four.

I just gave him a long bath and he looked up at me with those beautiful green watery red eyes and said "Mama you are my best friend.."

I just called school and Dominic had an a amazing time with his friends, he asked if he could stay longer today....

As my big one needs me less and my little one needs me even more, I suppose I should listen to the universe whisper and realize the right choice is already made waiting for me, I just need to allow myself to move towards it

Oprah Mom Secrets

Did you all catch this show? This is what I have been talking about FOREVER! We need to make changes here!

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Promise to follow through

So I promised myself when I started this blog that I would follow through-so please forgive my short absence. I have found myself completely overwhelmed this week as the kids do not have school and I took my littlest one out of daycare because I got an accident report 2 weeks in a row that he was bit on the face-did I mention he only went for two weeks? Oh that was the guilt thorn straight in the heart.
So now here we are trying to figure out how to keep a 2 yr old and 5 yr old occupied without tearing apart the house and keeping me in some sort of control before I bite them!
I don't know it is so dam hard to have them home all day! I can't get a 'fuckin' thing done and I feel out of control! I have not taken a shower, so the sexy part of me feels completely diminished. I have been doing laundry and cleaning non stop since 6:30 am-my hubbie is stressed to hit quota and the financial pressures seem to be leaking-now in all honesty this is probably a lot self reflected because I spent money when I was recovering from surgery that I KNOW I should not have-for some reason it just didn't seem that bad at the time. Now I feel like crap and have bags of stuff sitting in the car ready to return tomorrow with two kids in tow.
here are some updated pics of what we have been doing to keep ourselves occupied. Building forts, driving tractors, making funny faces and baking cakes!

Did I mention we live in AZ and it is 114 out-maybe has something to do with my lovely mood!

The things we do and don't do....

Ok so the crazy life of a mama...I had my Hubby bring our 2 yr old to daycare this morning because I know I couldn't stand it to leave him there crying...and I went to drop our 5 yr old-(my recovery is getting better and my boobies have actually shrunk a little bit;) on my way home I thought I would call and check on him-and he was still crying. Around 9:30 I decided I would go check on him, it is really close to my house and they have a window so the kiddies can't see you looking-well I watched him for about 5 minutes and he was in the corner and every once in a while he would call 'Mama' aggghh, my heart was breaking..so I stormed in and grabbed him. I told the teacher we would try again on Monday. We barely got out into the driveway when he started smiling and saying 'Mama school fun...'oh the little S*%^! We get home and we are there for about 20 minutes before he is in the sink, crawling on the dresser, and dumping boxes of cereal onto the floor...I thought to myself what am I doing I am not even supposed to be carrying him and it is only 10am I can't do this all day. So I said 'you want to go to school?' and he said 'yeah mama back to school' I threw him in the stroller before he could change his mind and signed him back in at 10:05. You would think I would be better at this since I have been through it before...but oh the emotional roller coaster you go through as a mom.!