Thursday, April 16, 2009

Whats a girl to do?

You know it's funny. I am sitting here feeling meloncholy, not quite sure why! Oh hold on the tea is boiling! ok..well I have a lot to do business wise, but part of me just wants to cry. Not even sure why. I am missing my kids, missing some good friends and wondering if I really am doing all I can and should..I was looking for my journal but can not find it so I am going to pour my heart out here.
I am thinking of lost friends, lost conversations...I want to spend time on this earth being the best woman I can be and sometimes...well its just hard. The voice plays inside "Do they know how much I care, Do they know how much I love them? Are the people closest to me the ones I am spending my time with?...."

It;s just one of those days that I want to crawl into bed and cry with my emotional maybe PMS;)

But you know as women we rarely give ourselves that space to do that. We are such highly emotional beings and effected by the energy and intuitiveness we feel surround us. I have my first Triathlon on Saturday, it is something I have wanted to do for years. And to be honest I am scared, that may be why I want to hide. I have not been training as much as I should and will be riding my husbands mountain bike in the race (not really Triathlon material) but that isnt the point. I just want to do it, and every part of me is fighting the fact that I want to be PERFECT when I do it. Which is the exact voice that has held me back for so many years and in so many facets. I am pushing through and growth is uncomfortable and painful. Which is where all these emotions are coming from.

Today my intention is to be present with those I love and turn OFF the business mind for a while. I want to breath deep, feel my emotions and learn and grow even more. I have asked the spirit for the fortitude to fulfill my mission and purpose in this life, I am dedicated to the journey.

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